Remind Me Again
by Pilgrimage
Summary: Maya's graduation should be the happiest day of her high school career, but Cam's familiar erratic behaviour is concerning. One-shot. [Camaya]


A/N: Another favourite prompt from my tumblr.

* * *

_**Graduation day…**_

_I don't know if I can do this_. That's all it reads on her glowing phone screen, nothing more.

Maya is running. She never runs, because she never truly survived the 12 minute run exercise in her first year of high school and because she was more of a yoga type of girl. But, she is, that is running.

She's running in the uncomfortable dress she chose for the graduation. She will not start on how unstable she feels in the heels she borrowed from Katie.

For him.

Always for him, him and his teetering scale between life and death.

She has no idea what the time is, but it's dark by the time she reaches him. He's on top of the hill, their hill, where there is so much happy significance that she wants to slap him across the face for choosing yet another place to say, _goodbye, cruel world_.

And she's angry. No, _livid_.

He stiffens, though he stays hunched over, head down as he sits on the very same patch of grass where he told her he'd stay, told her he couldn't just leave knowing she would be left behind. She pants, and he finally peers up at her, eyes red and watery.

"May…"

"Don't," she says immediately, dangerously. "_How could you_…"

* * *

_**18 Hours Earlier…**_

"Good morning, Maya Matlin!" He chirps over the phone.

"Mrrrph," she stirs, groggy and realizing that she had slept through their whole conversation last night, and it was morning now. "I fell asleep again, didn't I?"

"It's okay," he laughs, his voice just as groggy. "So did I."

"How's home…real home?"

"My bed's lumpy as ever, the little ones are as loud as ever, and I woke up to my mom's bacon sizzling." She can hear the smile on his face as he speaks.

"You must be—"

"Missing you terribly."

"Well, it was too good to be true to have you in Toronto for a whole year after you graduated. I couldn't keep you here after that. That would be totally greedy…"

"That and my therapist knew it was a long time coming."

"First week without you doesn't feel different though."

"Ouch."

"I mean," she emphasizes. "We're still on the phone every night, last night was no exception, and, right now, it just sounds like you're just a bus ride away. Close enough to touch…"

There is silence on the other line.

"I love you, Campbell Saunders."

"Uh oh," he snorts. "Full name means serious business."

"I'm nervous," she admits, swallowing a lump in her throat.

"Today is the first day of your life."

"Thank you, _Cheesy_." She rolls her eyes.

"It's true, you know." He's serious though. "I'm proud of you."

She smiles, and can't believe she's still suppressing bubbly sensations in the pit of her stomach three years on.

"Now," he clears his throat. "Party's over. I'll be seeing you in four hours, and my mom will be needing an inhumane amount of pictures with Degrassi's own Valedictorian. You have me for one more week before I go back indefinitely."

"So much for long, drawn out goodbyes. I was starting to enjoy the long distance."

He scoffs again. "Get up, sleeping bratty."

"See you in a few, Cheesiest Cheese."

* * *

**_Graduation day…_**

Between another high score at Little Miss Steaks Karaoke night, graduation speech practicing with Katie, and sharing gelato with Cam under the overpass they had once shared homework notes, Maya had not noticed he was relapsing.

He definitely was. There were signs. She was pretty sure. Almost certain. Maybe.

"Good morning, distinguished guests, teachers, parents, my fellow classmates," she opens, but her eyes are fixed on him because he hasn't looked like that in a very long time. His eyes are shifting every which way, and it's making her notes on her cue cards smear from her sweating.

But she treks on and as soon as the applause starts she's in search of him in the crowd, and she almost puts her worries to rest when he starts smiling again. Though that could be because there are flashing lights and his mother is literally manipulating his mouth to do so for the pictures. "The pictures, Campbell. Nana will not be happy with these if you don't smile," she gripes.

"Are you okay?" Maya asks him over dinner because he hasn't touched his food, while everyone has started another line by the buffet for dessert.

"I'm fine," he replies quickly. "How's the cake?"

"Cam—"

"Maya," her aunt interjects brightly, her face red from her second glass of Merlot. "Are you excited about U of T? You know, your uncle will not stop telling me how excited he is about you getting into the same music program he graduated from. We have an old college sweater for you to wear for your school sweater party."

"Uh," Maya finds it hard to shift her view away from him. "Thanks Aunt Susan."

And that, Maya tells Mrs. Saunders, was the last time she saw him at the party. He seemed to have slipped away without notice.

She remembers the way he looked when she turned back to face him, after the hundredth question asked about Maya's future. He looked like he was going to be sick, the kind of sick she missed when she found out that he really did push himself over the cat walk.

* * *

_**Midnight - Graduation Day…**_

"Don't," she hears herself say darkly. "_How could you_…"

There is something gleaming in his hand, and she hesitates out of fear. She can't believe she's fearing for him again.

Not again.

"How could you choose this again," she asks, not really wanting his excuses.

There's a glow from his lamp that washes over him; it's the one he brought with him to the hill, the same one he used before—before this mess, when he used it to bring her here in a blindfold, carrying a picnic basket for two.

"Maya," he says calmly, wiping his damp cheeks with his sleeves. "Come here."

She's cautious when she approaches him, and she sits as if she's ready to move again, straight as an arrow and legs restless. With closer proximity, she sees that he's only holding a silver pen.

_Pens are not weapons_, she rationalizes, but she's still anxious.

"I'm scared…" he tells her quietly.

She has to release a breath she does not know she's harbouring. "So am I."

"I—"

"Cam, listen, we've been through too much for you to just throw it all away again," she starts, and shushes him when he starts to interrupt her. "No. This has to be said. I would say that this is the last time I would have to remind you, but that's not what I do. When I love someone, as much as I love you, and I do—so much of me loves you, I will do anything to make them understand. I will do anything to make _you_ get it, over and over and over and over again. _God_, Cam. How could I not? You're incredible, everything that you are, everything you make me feel. When I dream, I have these stupid, forever-long dreams of you and me on some old, dirty TTC bus, holding hands. It's nothing, and nothing happens. But, I feel you, and you feel so _real_ and warm and happy. That's all I want you to be."

"Maya!" He takes her trembling hand. "Maya!" He laughs through another wave of tears. And he laughs again when he sees the bewildered, eyes-as-big-as-saucers look about her. "I'm happy, so happy. So happy that I'm overwhelmed…"

"What?"

"I got in."

"What?" She has to repeat, heart still hammering away at her ear drums.

He brandishes a pocketed letter from the inside of his jacket. "Dear Mr. Campbell Saunders, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the Human Kinetics program at—"

She already knows, so she's tackled him into the ground, kissing him soundly.

"Muhya," he tries, muffled by her mouth. "Maya!"

They sit up, and he shows her where he has to sign his acceptance of the offer from the University of Windsor.

"This," she says through tears. "_This_ is what I've been petrified of all day?"

"I'm sorry," he tells her sincerely. "My mom surprised me with it at breakfast this morning. I didn't know what to say…I've been a mess, thinking about all the ways I'd screw this one up somehow. You're so accomplished, and so smart, and you're going places. It made me think about how it's taken me this long to get to this point, and how much farther I still have to go..."

He's still puzzled because he doesn't know why she's still crying. "We'll only be four hours apart," he probes gently.

"It's not that," she tells him. "I just thought…"

He takes her in his arms because _that_ thought dawns on him finally, and he whispers into her hair, "Never again…never again." He says it a few more times, maybe not just for her, but for himself too.

"Cam," she says, breathing more steadily against his chest now. He hums. "_You can do this_…I know you can."

"I know…" He nods, kissing her forehead. "I just needed you to remind me."

"Always."


End file.
